Biting or hitting at daycare? What parents should do next

Stay calm, get the details from the teacher and agree on one plan for home and child care. Biting and hitting usually peak around age 2, and most kids outgrow them as their words and self-control catch up.

By our editors · Facts checked October 7, 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice.

The short version

• Hitting, kicking and biting are common in toddlers and usually peak around age 2.
• Good programs respond the same way every time: care for the hurt child, set a short limit, teach a better way and look for patterns.
• Massachusetts-licensed programs can’t spank, humiliate or threaten children.
• If a bite breaks the skin, call your child’s doctor.
• Call your pediatrician if aggression is unusually frequent for more than a few weeks, causes injuries or puts your child’s spot at risk.

Why do toddlers bite and hit?

Big feelings, few words. When another kid grabs the toy, a bite gets fast results, and the toddler learns it works.

Self-control is still under construction, so a child who can recite the rule may still break it in the moment. ZERO TO THREE points to teething and not having words for frustration as common reasons. Here’s its age-by-age breakdown:

Age	What’s usually going on
Birth to 12 months	Babies explore with their mouths and hands. Biting, grabbing and swatting aren’t meant to hurt.
12 to 24 months	Feelings are strong, but words and impulse control are limited. Aggression often peaks around age 2.
24 to 36 months	Aggression often follows overwhelming feelings, such as anger, jealousy or missing a parent.

Group care adds its own triggers: drop-off, cleanup and other transitions, crowded play areas and being tired or hungry. A new baby, a move or a switch to a new classroom can play a part too. Some kids bite for the sensory input. If mornings are the flashpoint, here’s how to make daycare drop-off easier.

What does a good program do?

In the moment

• Comfort the hurt child first, then clean the bite and apply ice or a cold cloth.
• Tell the child who bit, calmly and briefly, that biting hurts.
• Show what to do instead: say “stop” or “I need help,” or use a chewable toy.
• Help the child notice how the other child feels.

Over the next few days

• Track patterns with an ABC chart (Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence): when, where, with whom and what happened right before.
• Change the setup: small groups, limits on how many kids share a play area and a teacher stationed near children who bite. Solid staffing matters; here are Massachusetts ratio and group-size rules.
• Ease transitions with picture schedules, songs or countdowns.
• Praise gentle hands and kind words, a lot.

Curious what teachers are trained to do? Read our classroom playbook for biting, hitting and defiance.

What Massachusetts rules require

Programs licensed by the Department of Early Education and Care (EEC) must guide behavior in positive ways, like reinforcing good behavior, setting clear limits and redirecting. They can’t spank, humiliate, threaten, or withhold food or outdoor time as punishment.

A time-out can’t last more than one minute per year of age, and the child must stay in an educator’s view.

Injuries? The program must tell you right away about an injury that needs more than minor first aid, tell you by the end of the day about minor first aid, and give you written notice within 24 hours.

Group programs must also have written steps for avoiding suspension or expulsion over behavior: a meeting with parents, referrals for evaluation, outside support for staff and a behavior plan for home and program.

How to work with the teacher

1. Get the details. When does it happen? Where? With which kids? What came right before?
2. Share what’s new at home. A new sibling, a move, poor sleep or teething can all matter.
3. Use the same words. If the classroom says “Gentle hands,” say it at home too.
4. Check in often. Behavior can take several weeks to change after a new plan starts, so give it time before judging it.
5. Ask for a written plan if it keeps happening, and ask who else could help, such as a consultant, Early Intervention or the school district.

What to do at home

• Respond the same way every time: a calm “Stop. Biting hurts,” then move your child away.
• Teach words for anger and a replacement move, like stomping feet or squeezing a pillow.
• Praise good behavior often, not only after a problem.
• Never bite or hit back to “show how it feels.” The AAP opposes striking children, and physical punishment is linked to more aggression later.
• Supervise play closely and step in early when frustration builds.
• Protect sleep and meals. Tired, hungry toddlers have less self-control. Meltdowns, too? Here’s what works for toddler tantrums.

What if my child is the one who got bitten?

• Ask how it happened and how staff handled it, and ask for your copy of the incident report.
• If the skin is broken, stop any bleeding with gentle pressure, wash under running water with soap for at least 5 minutes without scrubbing, and cover it with a clean bandage.
• Call your child’s doctor about any bite that breaks the skin. Human bites can get infected, and your child may need antibiotics or a tetanus shot.
• If bites keep happening, talk with the director about closer supervision or other changes.
• Listen to your child’s feelings, and skip labeling the other child “bad.” They’re learning too.

When should I get more help?

Occasional hitting or biting is typical. The AAP and ZERO TO THREE flag these signs to raise with your pediatrician:

• Aggression is unusually frequent for more than a few weeks, and home strategies aren’t working.
• Your child bites several times a week.
• Your child injures others or themselves, or attacks adults.
• Your child is sent home or barred from play.
• Hitting seems unprovoked, or started after a trauma or major change.
• Your child craves intense sensory input in ways that hurt.

In Massachusetts, children from birth to 3 can be referred to Early Intervention (EI). Anyone can refer, and there are no out-of-pocket costs. From age 3, your public school district handles evaluations for early childhood special education at no cost.

For children who need extra support

Kids with speech delays, autism or sensory differences may bite or hit because it’s the fastest way to communicate. Ideas to bring to the teacher and your child’s therapists:

• A quick way to say “Stop,” “Mine” or “Help”: a sign, a gesture or a picture card within reach.
• A card or lanyard with faces for happy, sad, mad and frustrated, so your child can point to a feeling.
• For kids who seek oral input, safe chewable items and sensory bins.
• A calm space and warnings before transitions.
• If your child has an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) or an Individualized Education Program (IEP), ask the team to share strategies with the classroom. In Massachusetts, early childhood special education can be delivered in a child care setting when the IEP team decides that’s right.

More on how IFSP and IEP supports work in the classroom, plus the rest of our inclusive care guides.

Common questions

Is biting at daycare normal?

For toddlers, yes. Biting and hitting usually peak around age 2, when feelings are big and words are few. It’s a concern when it happens several times a week or keeps going for weeks despite a plan.

Can my child be kicked out of daycare for biting?

Massachusetts group programs must first follow written steps to avoid suspension or expulsion, including a meeting with parents and referrals for help. Before suspending or ending care, a licensed program must give you the reasons in writing, plus any conditions for return. Ask to see the behavior policy.

Should I bite my child back so they know how it feels?

No. Biting or hitting a child teaches that hurting people solves problems. The AAP links physical punishment to more aggression, not less. Stay calm and teach a better way.

Will the program tell me who bit my child?

Ask how your program handles it. Whatever the policy, the useful conversation is what happened and the plan to stop it from happening again.

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Sources

• Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers (ZERO TO THREE)
• Why Do Toddlers Bite? Educators Version (ZERO TO THREE)
• 10 Tips to Prevent Aggressive Behavior in Young Children (HealthyChildren.org, AAP)
• Where We Stand: Spanking (HealthyChildren.org, AAP)
• Biting in Child Care (Healthy Child Care NC, UNC Chapel Hill)
• Understanding and Responding to Children Who Bite (NAEYC)
• Treatment for Human Bites (Nationwide Children’s Hospital)
• 606 CMR 7.04: Administration (Justia Regulations)
• 606 CMR 7.05: Interactions Among Adults and Children (Justia Regulations)
• 606 CMR 7.08: Family Involvement (Justia Regulations)
• 606 CMR 7.00: Standards for the Licensure or Approval of Child Care Programs, full text (Massachusetts EEC)
• About Massachusetts Early Intervention (EI) (Mass.gov)
• Early Childhood Special Education (Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education)